Kerry Washington Says She Contemplated Suicide While Struggling with ‘Toxic’ Eating Disorder

Kerry Washington is getting candid about her mental health.

In a new interview with Robin Roberts for a 20/20 interview set to debut Sunday, the 46-year-old actress shared that she had contemplated suicide while struggling with an eating disorder.

A preview of the interview aired on Good Morning America on Thursday (September 21).

Keep reading to find out more…

She explained that by the time she started college, her relationship with food and her body had “become a toxic cycle of self abuse that utilized the tools of starvation, binge eating, body obsession and compulsive exercise.”

“I could feel how the abuse was a way to really hurt myself, as if I didn’t want to be here,” Kerry said. “It scared me that I could not want to be here because I was in so much pain.”

When asked if she had considered suicide, the Scandal star replied: “Yeah. Yeah … The behavior was tiny little acts of trying to destroy myself.”

“The first thing that put me on my knees — like the first time I got on my knees and prayed to some power greater than myself to say like, ‘I can’t do this, I need some help’ — was with my eating disorder,” she continued.

“I was good at performing ‘perfect.’ I was good at control. I could party all night and drink and smoke and have sex and still show up and have good grades,” Kerry noted. “I knew how to manage; I was so high-functioning and the food took me out. The body-dysmorphia, the body-hatred, it was beyond my control and really led me to feeling like, ‘I need help for somebody, or something, bigger than me because I’m in trouble and I don’t know how to live with this.’”

She went on to say while she’s in a much better place now, she still has to “check myself.”

“I wouldn’t say that I never act out with food, it’s just very different now,” she said. “It’s not to the extreme. There’s no suicidal ideation, that is not where I am anymore. But I know, ‘Oh, I’m really in this chocolate, this is good information for me.’ The bottom has gotten a lot higher where just a little discomfort with it is enough for me to know this is a way to check myself. But it definitely looks a lot healthier. It’s a lot easier. It’s a lot saner than it used to be.”

As for why she decided to be open about her struggles, Kerry said that she feels there’s a “purpose” to discussing it publicly.

“I’ve never wanted to share my private life for the sake of fame or for the sake of attention,” she shared.

Earlier this summer, Kerry revealed something surprising about her acting career. Find out what she said here.