Photo: Michael Kovac/Getty Images for iHeartRadio
Yes, Jack Harlow is serious. In the “Wait, really” sense: He did drop a new album just two days after announcing it and less than a year after the last one. But also on a more literal level: Jackman., Harlow’s third full-length, is his attempt at being taken seriously as a rapper, if you couldn’t tell from the government-name-and-period title. The once horny white boy of the moment is now rapping about racism, sexual assault, family, and fame, still over beats that sound way more expensive than the bars coming out of his mouth. Needless to say, listening to it has left me with more questions than answers. So, like Harlow on closing track “Questions,” I’m going to ask them all right now.
How did this man get so jacked?
Did Harlow ever think about flipping “Jumpman” into a song called “Jackman”?
Or, what the hell, getting Hugh Jackman to sing a hook on this thing?
Why does this album title need a period.
What A&R consultant rewatched Harlow’s “political” BET cypher and decided we needed more conscious rap from him?
Did Harlow just rap “The dialect got a little splash of some Black on it” … in a blaccent?
How does such a mid rapper keep bagging some of the better beats in mainstream rap?
Who lied to Harlow and told him he was “the hardest white boy” since Eminem?
So if Harlow’s at Carmichael’s, a bookstore, can he read? Sorry, does he like to read?
Who is the rapper that we were claiming a mainstay on “They Don’t Love It”? And how does Harlow know they never gon’ maintain?
Is “I’m cummin’ in my girl like I’m sterile” a more haunting lyric than “Like a blade of grass wants sunlight, I just want that ass”?
Just making sure I have this right: front row at the Knicks > 15 high-school chicks > front row of dicks?
If Harlow gets “FaceTime calls about God from Justin” too, how often is Justin Bieber randomly FaceTiming other celebrities?
Why is Harlow rapping about reading articles about himself after he just rapped about never searching his name?
What if Harlow did try “more actin’ and less rhymin’”?
How many ways can Harlow repackage the same flow on this album?
How often is Harlow going to 1 OAK, anyway?
If Harlow’s (former) friends got charged with crimes, and there were arrest records, mugshots, and such, how would the friend who’s relaying the news to Harlow have possibly confused them for a different Marcus or Kevin?
Has Harlow honestly ever called his friends “brethren”?
Did anyone tell Harlow to tone down “Gang Gang Gang” in the slightest?
How does Jason Davis, vice-president of publicity at Atlantic Records, feel about getting name-dropped in “Denver” (or me writing about that right now)?
Wait — if Harlow wonders if the people that write about him are right about him, then am I, a person writing about him, right about him?
How does Harlow’s homeboy who just beat cancer have anything to do with how his girl don’t need no enhancers?
Wait, was I just bobbing my head to that beat?
Did Harlow run these white-privilege bars by Macklemore first?
But really, how much did Harlow pay Dahi and Boi-1da for these beats?
If Harlow wants to “make anthems,” does he think he started with this album?
Who’s the girlfriend Harlow is keeping “under wraps”?
And what does she think about the cheating, or him calling his ex (or calling her “No Answer”)?
If Harlow says “The masses never heard your boy rapping so honestly,” well, have you?
Can we have silly Jack Harlow back now?